Ah, Tel Aviv

Where to start for this one...? Nothing too witty is coming to mind so I'll get straight to the point. It was a hot day in June and I took a nice, scenic bus ride from Jerusalem to Tel Aviv to meet this week's bachelor. He lived in Netanya so Tel Aviv was a kind of half-way meeting point for both of us. I had my backpack with my shabbos things in it, and a folded suitbag with my shabbos clothes since I was going from Tel Aviv to Ramat Beit Shemesh for shabbos and it didn't make sense to go back to Jerusalem first.
When we met up he looked curiously at the suitbag (I'm pretty sure he'd never seen one before, or at least not like this one) and asked me what it was, but didn't offer to take it from me. Just to be clear, I didn't expect him to. Even if he offered I would have declined since it didn't way a thing. (since this is a rant blog I'm just listing all the possible faults in this guy) We then walked, in extreme heat I might add, down Arlozorov st. then passed the spot where Rabin was murdered, until, we reached Ganei Yehoshua where the book fair was taking place. Except it wasn't. Tel Aviv must have decided to get all religious because the book fair was closed on Friday.
I would like to interrupt this blog and ask all men to answer this poll (BEFORE SEEING THE INCORRECT ANSWER BELOW): at this point in the date, now that the original plan (which wasn't too brilliant to begin with, see the "Barnes&Noble" blog) won't work, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Seriously, I just want to make sure I'm not that crazy and spoiled-sounding.
Incorrect Answer: we did the following- continued walking around Tel Aviv in the crazy heat, stopping only once to buy ice cream (but not, heaven forbid, to sit down somewhere shady to eat it) and keep walking. I don't think I've worn thinner, lighter clothing before in my life and by the middle of the "date" I was soaking wet. Mercifully, we passed by the Tel Aviv Museum of Art that was beautifully air conditioned and he suggested we go in. I'm not sure he still thought it was such a good idea once he saw how much it cost but he didn't even have to ask. He knew there was no way we were leaving the cool building in the immediate future. We walked around, I tried to casually flick a glance down at my watch every now and then. At one point I finally told him I needed to get back to the train station. Now, given that I did have a backpack to carry, and a suitbag, I'm thinking it makes sense to take the bus to the station. But nooooooo. We're being eco-friendly today and making a difference in the world! So we walked to the train station where I found out that my train had left the station promptly two minutes ago. The next one comes in one hour. Fine, one hour, I can deal with that. We buy a drink and sit down, some silence, and then I told him it didn't make sense for him to sit and wait with me for an hour, he should get going. I was worried I sounded like I was dismissing him, (I'm sure you think the same thing) which is why I was surprised to see what almost looked like relief in his eyes. O-kay.
Needless to say, since he's on the blog, we didn't go out again after that. He ended it. But the way he did it was funny. He called, said hi. I said hi back and waited for him to say what he needed to say, I wasn't going to help him by filling in the gaps. There was a significant pause before he actually spoke. He said he didn't think this was it. I literally had to hold back from laughing into the phone. I was relieved that I didn't have to make the decision and that I didn't have to add him to my long list of guys that I had ended relationships with.
NEXT!

Barnes&Noble

I realised that the longer I date the more bitter I become and the more expectations on how a first date should go are built. For example, and I am still convinced this is right, on the first date a guy should pay. And that the first date should not be an activity or an event, just drinks, or a light meal (yes, there's such a thing). No graves late at night, no arcades. A nice quiet place to get to know each other. Especially after an 8 hr. work day.

This story's date was suggested by someone I know and trust so Cardinal Rule #1 was met: the shadchan/it has to know both of us. For some reason I didn't think to look him up on facebook as soon as it was suggested so by the time I got around to doing it it was too late to cancel the date. אין מה להגיד, the guy just wasn't physically attractive to me. But I was going to get made up and smile and make it look like I was putting in effort. Sure enough, when he picked me up, the receding hairline was just like the picture showed and everything else.

We started driving and I noticed we were leaving the Jewish neighbourhood. In fact, we were driving away from all the Jewish neighbourhoods. I decided to keep my mouth shut and see where he was going with this. But after awhile I couldn't help and asked sweetly "So where are we going?" I don't remember his exact wording but he said something about wanting to walk around but maybe not since it was cold and raining. I was never so grateful for rain before. I was not dressed to walk around in cold weather since I thought (okay, fine, I assumed) we would be sitting inside somewhere.

We finally got to a Barnes and Noble and parked. Now I love Barnes and Noble, I could get lost in there for hours every time. But that's just the point, I could get lost in there, meaning, by myself. And the reason for that is because I get lost in the books I read there. [Again, like in all my previous blogs this may sound harsh but this blog is not for tiptoeing around the truth, it's to tell the story as I see it happened] So when a guy takes you on a date to a bookstore and walks around with you, and, I might add, nowhere near the coffee shop part of it, what are you supposed to do? What's that? Talk? Make small talk? Why do I need to walk around a bookshop after an 8 hr day of work when I could sit down and do the same thing with a nice hot drink?

So I innocently steered us towards to Starbucks in the store, and since it was supper time and I was hungry and we were clearly not going out to eat, I asked the woman behind the counter if she knew if any of the pastries were kosher. She bent down and apparently looked it up in some manual, and when she stood up she said that anything labeled "Sweet Stoppe" is kosher. I looked at my date and asked him which one he wanted. But, apparently, he didn't trust the woman behind the counter that the pastries were kosher so he said he wasn't hungry and just ordered a tea. Not wanting to stuff my face alone, I ordered a coffee and no pastry.

After the drinks we walked around a bit more and I saw the bargain books table. One book stood out and the title will explain why: "How to be Single". it was a novel, not a non-fiction book, and it sounded funny. I also picked up a dog magazine and a notepad I needed. We then took a "bathroom break" and I texted all who needed to know (parents, sisters) that this guy was definitely not it. We come out and walk to the nearest section of books: Relationships. I know, classic. One book stands out: "101 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married". We started skimming the table of contents. Sounded pretty good, but I had already taken more than I was allowing myself so I didn't get the book, but I did write down the name of it, just for later. At one point I said "why are we even in this section?", as a joke to lighten a slightly heavy mood, to which he muttered "because it's the closest to the bathrooms". Sheesh!

Once he dropped me off at home i made a beeline for my sister's house at 10 pm, a real Oliver Twist image, "please can i have some food? I haven't eaten since 1 pm and not because i forgot".

Anyway, I think I can say confidently that he had a good time and I definitely didn't suffer, but the bottom line was, his looks and personality were not for me. And I don't mean personality like the part of the person you get to know better, the layers of them, I mean his overall....I dunno, it just wasn't for me.

The End!